My first best day I remember was going to Deyncourt School in a hand me down green checked dress and winkle picker shoes, don’t get me wrong we were not poor but the dress belonged to a friend who had grown out of it, I loved that dress to me it was so fashionable and oh the shoes were so uncomfortable but I felt great, I don’t think mum and dad liked it but they allowed me to wear them.
My next big day was my first kiss, I was thirteen and he was fourteen, I remember walking home in a daze and when I got home dad commented on my unusual mood, I was totally shaken.
My next big day was when I started my first job. I was 15 and got the job as a typist in the shipping department of Broom and Wade. My dad put me forward and I got it. I still remember the smell of the interview room; it was warm, sweet and was painted a dull creamy white. When the interview was over I was introduced to the Manager of the shipping department Mr Luckhurst, he introduced me to this young man of 19, and I was going to be his typist. On the way out of the office I heard the young man Mr Michael Sibley complain to his best friend, ‘did you see the grotty school kid, I was hoping for a blond’. After nearly 39 years of marriage I will never let him forget it.
The others are my wedding day, the birth of my sons, our first holiday in the south of France, the second house we lived in. It was a small semi detached, very light and homely. We had good years there with the children growing up with their friends. I remember Michael and me cooking Christmas dinner for three of our other neighbours and their children. It was a fantastic day, laughing playing games and finishing off the day doing the hokey cokey in the street at midnight.
The weekends when Michael and I played with the boys, football or just going to the park, Nicholas at the age of four running waist deep into a pile of sewage where I had to walk to the middle of it to pick him up and carry him home stinking, walking along the canal tow path with the boys and their friends. Just simple things but they were so special. I can even remember my saddest day, it was the day we realised that we had become redundant as parents as the boys had grown up and did not need us any more. The rest of our 37 years was happy, sometimes sad, but for us both they were good years. I have been lucky that I have a good husband, we enjoy each others company and I am allowed to do silly things like go and walk in the Himalayas when I was 50 on my own, travel Asia teaching Aromatherapy, helping people who had come for therapy and seeing a difference in their lives.
In May 2008 Michael was 60 so I promised him I would be back from Hong Kong to arrange his birthday bash. I normally go to Asia around the end of March and return in June. This time I came home on the 4th May, we had a beautiful evening meal with friends on the 8th Mikes birthday and on the 9th went up to the Lake District where we stayed for the weekend with family and friends. Saturday 10th we walked 8 miles around the hills of Kendal, we got lost and spent an hour looking for the trail again, I thought I could read a map but so did Robert, Mike’s brother. I cannot moan he did get us back on the trail; I was useless and not very good at admitting it. We had an evening to die for, playing Articulate and laughing so much we cried. I thank God for Michael’s birthday, because he brought me home early from Hong Kong.
A couple of weeks later I collapsed with sharp pains in my chest, it was a Monday and Nick my son was home so he called for the ambulance. I thought it was just a bad case of indigestion, the paramedics thought it was a heart attack, later I was to find out that it was cancer. The worst day was telling Michael, I did not want the doctor or nurse to tell him, so I took him to a small office at the end of the ward. He looked so stunned; he had tears in his eyes and he just cuddled me. I won’t forget that cuddle it felt so good.
The doctors and nurses in the Chorley hospital were brilliant, so supportive. I was referred to Preston under Doctor Skales; she confirmed that I had Mesothelioma cancer. We had never heard of it, she explained that some time in my life I must have come into contact with asbestos. The only time we could think of was when I joined Broom and Wade. Michael had been promoted to another department and because I was a fast typist I was upgraded to the air freight department. One of my job descriptions entailed me to go to the packing department with documents when there were urgent freight despatches. This meant that I had to walk through the factory. I did not mind this, it was a break from sitting at my desk, and I could pop into the foundry and watch dad working. He was a crane driver high up into roof; I was fascinated watching him pick up large compressor moulds. The room was dirty, dark and musty but I loved it, I could see my dad working and I was proud of him. Why you are wondering is this on my list of best days of my life. Broom and Wade gave me my life with Michael and the boys, I did not realise that it would also take my life.
I was asked if I would go on the MARS trail with St James Hospital in Leeds. I am a young healthy lady who is fit enough to be included on the trial. I have noticed that the MARS trial has already been mentioned on this site by another patient. The trial is for 50 patients in the UK who are in the early stages of Mesothelioma. A computer chooses whether you go for (EPP) which is a surgical procedure that involves the removal of the lung along with its coverings and the associated coverings of the heart, diaphragm and pericardium or for no treatment at all. What the doctors are assessing is ‘quality of life’. The computer has chosen me for no treatment at all.
The only treatment I have received is the talc blown into my left lung and three aggressive chemotherapy sessions. I take pain killers regularly throughout the day every day. Sometimes the pain is severe so I take extra pain killers. As an Aromatherapist who works in complementary therapy I hated taking so many tablets, I have tried to cut down on them but have learnt that they are my friends and allow me to be my normal self. The tablets do not take the feeling of pain away completely I know that I have something there, it’s like a having a frog in your throat, not painful but irritating. I also use an essential oil called Ravensara Ravensara aromatica when I am feeling low. Ravensara is a safe essential oil which I can dap around my gland area of my neck and behind my ears, this helps refresh me but more importantly it improves the immune system and keeps it strong. I do not use it every day only on the days that I feel vulnerable to emotions or diseases around me.
Now every day has become the ‘best day of my life’, I know people say this all the time but it is true. From the first day of knowing that I have Mesothelioma I have woken up to my husband’s arms around me, his kiss goodbye when he goes to work is special. I feel so alive it’s impossible to describe properly on paper. I have not stopped working, but I am careful. Whereas I would spend 4 months in Asia teaching, I have now taught tutors to take the work load for me, so that I only go out for one week at a time to examine the students. So every April and Sept I book my flight 2 to 3 weeks before the due date, I will fly out and stay no longer than 3 weeks when I visit Hong Kong, Shanghai and Taiwan.
5 years ago we bought a 19th century farmhouse in Perigord Limousin area of France which we have just finished renovating. This summer Mike will take a 3 month sabbatical and we will live there to decide if we can retire and live in France at the end of this year. I am looking forward to buying a Cockerpoo although Michael would have wanted a manlier dog like a Labrador; he lets me get my own way a lot, I don’t always take advantage but hey why not now and again. We are expecting our first grandchild in June and I have no intention of not seeing and enjoying this little person growing up. I fully intend and believe that I will be here for my normal life span.
I can never be sad of dying, I have a spiritually belief that my journey will be good, the only thing that makes me sad is for Michael and the carers who have been left behind. He and other carers work so hard to make our lives happy, and what do we give them in return. So to you who have lost loved ones and are grieving I give you all my heart and thank you for making every day the best days of our lives.